Sideways Stories

Life is all about choices. I choose good humor, good food, good wine, and chocolate (good or bad). Welcome to my random musings and awkward life.
surisburnbook:

Kim Kardashian bought Penelope Disick a miniature Balenciaga bag. It’s not that I’m against kids having designer handbags (I’m very pro-designer handbag), but this is just a joke. First of all, she captioned this on Instagram with “Awe Penelope is wearing the little Balenciaga bag I got her for Christmas!” And, she’s not wearing it. Her dumb-as-rocks aunt is holding it near her.
Second of all, that bag is too small to hold anything bigger than a cotton ball. If it can’t fit a credit card and a lipstick, it’s not a handbag.

surisburnbook:

Kim Kardashian bought Penelope Disick a miniature Balenciaga bag. It’s not that I’m against kids having designer handbags (I’m very pro-designer handbag), but this is just a joke. First of all, she captioned this on Instagram with “Awe Penelope is wearing the little Balenciaga bag I got her for Christmas!” And, she’s not wearing it. Her dumb-as-rocks aunt is holding it near her.

Second of all, that bag is too small to hold anything bigger than a cotton ball. If it can’t fit a credit card and a lipstick, it’s not a handbag.

Jess: You can’t escape Destiny; she comes for us all. That relentless bitch. That’s right, Destiny’s a lady.
Schmidt: Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis. Direct quote - Scott Caan.

Schmidt, New Girl, Season 2 episode 17 “Parking Spot”

surisburnbook:

Hang in there, Penelope. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I don’t like liars.

surisburnbook:

Hang in there, Penelope. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I don’t like liars.

surisburnbook:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I knew having a portrait artist in my pocket was going to come in handy one of these days. The royal portraitist owed me a favor, so when I told him to paint Kate Middleton with baggy eyes — one bag bigger than the other — and a smug smirk, he really didn’t have a choice.
Kate: 152,348.
Suri: 1.

surisburnbook:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I knew having a portrait artist in my pocket was going to come in handy one of these days. The royal portraitist owed me a favor, so when I told him to paint Kate Middleton with baggy eyes — one bag bigger than the other — and a smug smirk, he really didn’t have a choice.

Kate: 152,348.

Suri: 1.

surisburnbook:

Jessica Simpson confirmed her pregnancy less than a week ago, and she’s already posting nearly-nude, duckface pregnancy photos of herself to Twitter. It’s going to be a long seventeen months.

surisburnbook:

Jessica Simpson confirmed her pregnancy less than a week ago, and she’s already posting nearly-nude, duckface pregnancy photos of herself to Twitter. It’s going to be a long seventeen months.

surisburnbook:

Gisele Bundchen, the most smug person in America — which is really saying something, considering I’ve had dinner with Jada Pinkett Smith — gave birth yesterday to a baby girl named Vivian Lake Brady. Is she named after a soap opera character? Or is that just the smuggiest name that Gisele and Tom could come up with? (If so, Penelope Scotland out-smugs this name any day of the week.)

surisburnbook:

Gisele Bundchen, the most smug person in America — which is really saying something, considering I’ve had dinner with Jada Pinkett Smith — gave birth yesterday to a baby girl named Vivian Lake Brady. Is she named after a soap opera character? Or is that just the smuggiest name that Gisele and Tom could come up with? (If so, Penelope Scotland out-smugs this name any day of the week.)

surisburnbook:

I think Jessica Simpson’s baby just figured out that she’s Jessica Simpson’s baby.

surisburnbook:

I think Jessica Simpson’s baby just figured out that she’s Jessica Simpson’s baby.

surisburnbook:

I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to cry.

My sentiments exactly.

surisburnbook:

Halloween is over. This is just Rachel Zoe and Skyler looking like rich hipsters who have a 70’s band and possibly a drug problem.

surisburnbook:

Halloween is over. This is just Rachel Zoe and Skyler looking like rich hipsters who have a 70’s band and possibly a drug problem.