HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I knew having a portrait artist in my pocket was going to come in handy one of these days. The royal portraitist owed me a favor, so when I told him to paint Kate Middleton with baggy eyes — one bag bigger than the other — and a smug smirk, he really didn’t have a choice.
Jessica Simpson confirmed her pregnancy less than a week ago, and she’s already posting nearly-nude, duckface pregnancy photos of herself to Twitter. It’s going to be a long seventeen months.
Gisele Bundchen, the most smug person in America — which is really saying something, considering I’ve had dinner with Jada Pinkett Smith — gave birth yesterday to a baby girl named Vivian Lake Brady. Is she named after a soap opera character? Or is that just the smuggiest name that Gisele and Tom could come up with? (If so, Penelope Scotland out-smugs this name any day of the week.)
I think Jessica Simpson’s baby just figured out that she’s Jessica Simpson’s baby.
I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to cry.
My sentiments exactly.
Halloween is over. This is just Rachel Zoe and Skyler looking like rich hipsters who have a 70’s band and possibly a drug problem.
Tori Spelling’s face is the stuff of nightmares, as is the fact that she has four children now.
The difference between Kingston and Zuma Rossdale is that Kingston knows when class is called for. He’s in dress shoes and a button-down, and is sporting a surprisingly well-coiffed hairstyle, as he celebrates his mother’s birthday with dinner.
Zuma, though, sported sneakers and a tank top, and accessorized with a belt that’s not doing its job and what appears to be a sippy cup.
You have to dress for the occasion, even when the guest of honor is your mother. And Zuma is dressed for a redneck picnic.
How many elbows does one baby need? Maxwell Drew Johnson looks like a baby version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which isn’t too hard to believe, really.
You are what you eat.